


vulnerable

by coffeeandcream



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, leo n don make little appearances in flashbacks, the explicit stuff doesn't last very long but it IS there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:04:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcream/pseuds/coffeeandcream
Summary: Casey handles him gently, and Raph doesn't know how to deal with how that makes him feel.





	vulnerable

This wasn’t how it usually went. Raphael was quick and powerful, he bit hard and took what he wanted. Casey was rough, crazy, always ready for something gross and dirty and satisfying. Neither of them were this. Gentle, soft, slow. Raphael would call it tedious, but only because he would never use a word like tender.

Casey’s mouth was usually open and hot against him, using way too much tongue and panting like he was running a marathon. His hands were usually all over the place, grabbing at him like he was trying to wrestle him instead of fuck him. But now his lips were soft as they kissed carefully across his collarbone, and his fingers trailed along his arms, legs, sides like they were handling something made of glass.

Raphael squirmed beneath him. His body always felt like it was heating up when they fucked, like the engine in his bike when he drove it for long enough. He could feel the heat against his legs as he hurtled down the Brooklyn streets, but it made him feel better, more energized, more in the moment. Now that heat was threatening to eat him alive. It filled him up, made his head fuzzy. He couldn’t breathe. He panted like crazy, gasping in breath after breath. He couldn’t _breathe._

He needed an anchor from what Casey was doing to him. His arms were trapped between their torsos. His legs were spread with Casey’s body between them. His face was peppered with kisses no matter which way he turned it. He needed to say something.

“You don’t gotta be all gentle,” he managed to bite out between pants. “I’m not gonna break.”

Casey’s hand dipped down between them and into Raph’s shell, and Raph bit his lip.

“Yeah, I know.” The way he said it made it seem like Raph had just said the most obvious thing in the world. “But I wanna do it like this.” He kissed near the hollow behind Raph’s jaw and stroked his cock slowly, deliberately. Like he was taking care. Like he was cherishing every touch.

Raph’s back arched, and he hissed. This wasn’t how it usually went. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This was suffocating. This was…

“I can’t.”

Casey paused in what he was doing, lips lifting from Raph’s jaw. “Huh?”

Raph started kicking and backpedaling, turning away, pushing up. “I can’t do this, I can’t, it’s too-” Anything to get out from under Casey, anything to _breathe-_

“Okay, okay, Raph,” Casey said as he pushed himself off of him and leaned away, palms up. “I’m off.”

Raph scrambled back until his shell slammed into Casey’s bedroom wall. Until there was a good few feet between them. Distance. Air. He took a gulping breath.

“Sorry, man, I didn’t even realize.”

Casey’s concerned frown was starting to make Raph not want to look at him. The built-up heat was starting to dissipate, but his face remained warm. He looked away from his boyfriend’s prodding gaze.

“I just- I can’t do that whole… thing,” Raph said by way of explanation.

“You mean, like, taking it slow?” Casey asked, moving to rest against the adjacent wall. He splayed his legs out and rested his hands between them. Relaxed. Completely okay with this. Not upset.

“Yeah. That. I’m not- I can’t- um.” Raph took a deep breath, trying to clear his head of the leftover heat. “It was…”

Vulnerable.

Casey shrugged. “Made you uncomfortable. I get it, man. It was just somethin’ I wanted to try.” He bit his lip and looked away, but not with embarrassment. Confident and comfortable. Always so fucking comfortable. “Probably shoulda known you wouldn’t like it.”

But he had. He had liked it. He had felt like Casey was picking him apart, piece by piece, cradling and loving every bit of him. He had felt like he was being pulled open, making him bare. He had felt like the warmth of it would consume him, and he almost wanted it to. He almost lost himself in it.

But if he had? What would that make him?

Leo had chewed him out last week. Same old problem, same old spiel. Same old injuries, same old worry. As Donnie had stitched him up, eyes still sleepy from being woken up at ass in the morning, Raph had folded his arms and grumbled that he could’ve stitched himself up.

“Raph,” Leo had sighed from the doorway, “why can’t you just let someone take care of you for once?”

Raph glanced at Casey. He was smiling at him, obviously trying to ease his discomfort.

“If you don’t like it, we don’t gotta do it again.”

Raph sighed. “It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. It was just- It was…”

Warm. Bare. Open. Slow. Cherished. Careful. Gentle. Soft. Tender.

“Look, I did. I did, um… like it. I wanted it. But it just- it- it made me…”

Scared.

Casey frowned and cocked his head, soft black hair falling into his face. “It made you… what?”

Raph looked away. “…I don’t know, man.”

Casey watched him through the darkness of the bedroom. Raph curled up, folding his arms over his knees. He didn’t meet his gaze.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Raph's insecurities, they give me life.
> 
> Hope ya'll liked it! Comments are super welcome! :)


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